Wednesday, August 03, 2005
It's official. Raspberry Swirl is now closed. I will be deleting this page in due time. Meanwhile, I have been reorganizing my online presence. You may now find me here:
-My new Public journal: CallWolf
-My new journal of religious and philosophical belief and experiences: Heather. Reflections of Faith.
-My Crafting journal: The Knitting Maevan
It's sad that The Burning Haze is officially over and done with, considering it is my second longest lasting journal, and my very first blog... but we can all agree that it was long due. I'll miss you, Ms. Journal. Perhaps we'll meet again later. For now, take care.
Heather pranced in the garden at 9:01 PM
Friday, July 29, 2005
Considering a makeover here. Talking to some graphics guru friends of mine to see if this place can be ressurected. Until that time, you can find me in these places:
The Knitting Maevan (a knitting and craft blog)
Maevan
Callwolf
Heather pranced in the garden at 4:41 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2005
It's been a while since I posted here... I'm considering cutting loose this journal in the near future. I'm looking for someone to redesign it for me, so that it is more functional and sleeker. I would love something like this, so that I have the option of private posts. Anyway, if I can't get it redesigned (I'm too busy to do it myself these days, that, and my knowledge of css and html is seriously outdated), then I will shut 'er down completely in favour of my maevan livejournal. Though, for the most part, I don't post much there.
I've been lurking in my private journal and in my knitting journal.
Anyway, the point of this post is to vent. I'm currently watching a lecture on Shelley's poetry (not that Shelley, her husband). This girl in the class is trying to make a point against the professor. He states that The Cloud is written in a anti-metaphorical and anti-ornamental language. She is trying to state that this isn't true, that we get lost in the language and that it is very ornate. Sadly, she's too busy saying "like" every second word that I can't even begin to take her seriously. My dear readers, friends and strangers, please take a moment to listen to your own voice. Listen to your own speech and think about what you're actually getting across. There is no reason to use "like", "Um", "Uh", etc... as often as so many do. Instead of filling your speech with such uselessness, why not take the time to think through what you're going to say so that you can be eloquent and concise? Seriously, we'll pay much closer attention if only you allowed yourself to sound intelligent. Thanks.
Heather pranced in the garden at 9:28 AM
Friday, May 20, 2005
Just so that people can plan around me, here's my schedule for this week.
Friday 20th Nuthin' :)
Saturday Sarah Harmer in concert! 9:30pm
Sunday Work, 8-4.
Monday
Tuesday Work, 5-close
Wednesday
Thursday Work, 4-midnight
Friday
Saturday Work, 12-6pm
Sunday Work, 8-4pm.
Heather pranced in the garden at 5:10 PM
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I feel sick. Lately, all I want to do is sleep. I am beginning to hate food and feel uncomfortable in my skin. Things have not been good lately. I mean, overall, things aren't bad. We're surviving, we're getting through it all relatively unscathed. Emotionally, mentally... I feel awful.
I don't really feel comfortable here. I mean, part of it is that I don't really feel like I have a place yet. I'm still kind of living out of boxes. My stuff is spread out over the whole of the apartment and I feel like Lis is forced back into her room. I'm afraid that I'm turning her into my Mum, that she hides away in her place because the rest of the apartment isn't enough of her. At the same time, I'm getting very frustrated with the state of things. I want shelves, I want organizational units, but I don't have the cash. I hate the mess. Now, I'm also tired of cleaning and tidying. I'm depressed and over-worked mentally these days. I don't want to clean the kitchen every day off I have. There's no one to blame but us both. Lately, we're so wrapped up in ourselves that we don't think to keep it clean.
My room isn't my room. It's a small box with my bed and clothes. I want to make it mine. I want to paint, decorate and make it work. Part of me is tempted to get a smaller bed. I mean, sleeping in a Queen has its major benefits, but it takes up about 75% of the whole room. I need room to move and function. I'm not used to not having a Me Space. To be honest, this whole thing has me worried about how I'm going to be as a Mother. You know, it because kind of your job to clean, but sometimes, I just want someone else to do it. The cats drive me crazy somedays. I think it's the stress, but Byron has had me in tears. He's a cat, he doesn't listen and he does what he wants, even when it drives me up the wall.
In terms of friendships and relationships, things have been alright. I am closer with a few school friends than ever before. Sarah Beth has become someone I don't ever want to live without. I'm hanging out with the boys more. It's nice. Unfortunately, I've also drifted away from others. Shawn, Caleb, Beesan, Kyle, Patrick, even Isaac. To be honest, I'm too tired to really work for these things anymore. I adore these people, I do. I just can't put in the effort right now. I want to see them. I want to hang out. I want to keep in contact. I'm just overextended right now.
Nathan and I are talking again. It's been nice, but hard. When you care so very much for someone, and yet are limited in how much you can feel for them based on current situations and past decisions. I'm glad we're talking again though. I want him to be a part of my life. I just hope its not too hard on him.
Things with Pat have been going well. We're happy with what we have. It's hard sometimes, you always are afraid of falling into old traps and second-guessing. Stress from exams and projects didn't help matters any. We haven't really had the time for real "us" time. It's tough, but I'm trying not to take it personally. We have different ways of communicating affection, and that's something I have to accept. I hope that he and I will have time to do some fun and interesting things this summer.
Jamie's engagement was harder on me than I expected. I guess it took this definate event to really shut those doors completely in my mind. It could also be that I wish I had that kind of relationship. You know how it is, never wanting to be the last one to be married. Fear of ending up alone, etc... Also, they are having a child. This, strangely, while it confirmed everything, made it easier to accept. A child is a thing of love and wonder. A miracle. No matter what, I am happy for them. It will be hard to change from Heather, ex-love of Jamie's life, to Heather, friend of family, but I will do my best.
Family is doing a bit better these days. Ryan is in Halifax and is working. He's having a rough time dealing with him and Lis, but otherwise, is doing well. I miss him terribly, but there's only so much either of us can do. I think our friendship can survive the troubles over the years, but it'll take time and effort. My parents are well. Tracy is moving to Calgary at the end of the summer. Scary. I'll miss her so much. She's one of my best friend, even when she drives me crazy. I have never had a time when she hasn't been an active part of my life. It'll be very very hard. Hm. I don't want to talk about family anymore.
School didn't go well this year. Of six classes: One dropped, one failed, one d+, one c+ and two b+. I suck.
I guess that's it. I just needed to get that out there. I'm tired. I work in four hours.
Heather pranced in the garden at 12:20 PM
Sunday, May 08, 2005
"It really is a revolution"
the pornography made me do it
so those drugs that got us high
was the thoughts of revolution
they've been poisoning my mind
so i'm walk you down into the water
but you keep coming up for air
all those people, they don't give a damn
they just stood around and stare
and i say,
Haa, haa, haa, haa, haa, haa, haaaa
love will save the day
love will save the day
love will save the day
love will save the day
come on sell me more of your religion
'cause it's sure to make a change
last night god was on the tv screen
taking dollars for their pain
go on talk about that evolution
it's been poisoning my mind
i've been looking for a saviour
yah, i've been waiting for a sign
and i said,
Haa, haa, haa, haa, haa, haa, haaaa
love will save the day
love will save the day
love will save the day
love will save the day
i am walking
i am breathing
i can't hold you
i can't set you free
you were walking
you are breathing
you can't feel it
you will be released
"we are talking about a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen or those earned. We are really talking about humanism"
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaa
love will save the day
if love will save the day
love will save the day
love will save the day
maybe tomorrow
love will save the day
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
love will save the day
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
maybe tomorrow
love will save the day
Heather pranced in the garden at 11:00 AM
Geez, have I ever been neglecting this thing. Things have been crazy lately. I wont really go into the details, other than that I've been wallowing in some selfpity, selfdislike and general grumpiness.
The major stuff, aside from family whatnot: I failed a class and my other marks aren't that great. My first love is getting married and his fiance is pregnant. I am now working two jobs, my sister-in-law is pregnant again, I'm taking two summer classes. That's about all of my news really.
I'm currently at work, and despite waking up at 5something, I'm not as tired as I figured I would be. Now, ask me again in about 10 hours when I'm at my parents place, ignoring screaming children and trying to get along with everyone.
Happy mother's day! :P
Heather pranced in the garden at 8:15 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
I am having such a hard time staying awake today. This is the first weekend of double 8am shifts, Saturday and Sunday. Tomorrow, hell starts. Exam Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Monday. I also need to get two-three essays done in that time. I'm exhausted. I need a nap.
Heather pranced in the garden at 1:47 PM